Dear __________,
First off, what is your name? I don't think we have been introduced. Considering that you seem to be the Philippine President's closest friend, it feels important for us to know who you are.
Do you have a singsong-sounding name? Do you like rainbows and unicorns, and do you ride a magic wheelbarrow? Do you float around in a mumu, and do you have a manly voice? Are you a ghost? All of these things are unknown to us.
Here's what we know: you're always invisible. But we know that you exist because you always accompany the Philippine President during important and high-profile meetings. You even hold his hands during those scary photo-ops.
That said, may we know why you need to hold his hand? Is Noynoy so anxious that he always refuses to let go of your guiding hand? Or are you so benevolent that you'd dare to expose yourself in these photos?
But enough about you; let's talk about your best friend. I have a some questions.
Why does it seem like your friend does not care about the Filipino masses? Is he apathetic to their plight? Is the "boss ka kayo" slogan just rhetoric?
He never seems to share the concerns of the poor and the working class. When there are issues, he always underplays it by saying the problem has been overblown. A bullet-dropping syndicate in NAIA? "It's overhyped." If he shows concern, he gives it late. Thousands died in Yolanda and he was MIA for days.
Is it also safe to say that he's this apathetic because he sides with companies more than the working class? The APEC conference is a huge inconvenience to the commuting workers, and his administration's failure to declare the whole week as a holiday for the private industries is fishy. So what if the workers will have a hard time going to work and going home? Private companies should not pay double salaries for these days.
And while we are on this subject, why does he always prioritize the wiles of businessmen over the needs of his constituents? He chose to attend the inauguration of a car plant instead of the honors ceremony for the slain SAF troopers. He skipped the anniversary of the Yolanda tragedy for the wedding of a business tycoon's scion.
I guess what I really want to ask is, does Noynoy Aquino have a soul?
If you can answer this for us, dear imaginary friend, we'd be forever grateful.
Best regards,
The Filipino Public
P.S. Can you also tell us why he is still single? I'm sure a man of his stature can easily get some tail. Unless he has a different preference from what we have been told, of course. Then we'd like to know that too. xoxo
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